by Kim Jacobs
Many of us have had our friends before we ever started having children. Once children become a part of the mix, it is an interesting task to figure out how to maintain our friendships and ensure that we don’t let it take away from the needs of our family. The tips that are provided are ways that I have personally continued to maintain my friendships while caring for a large family.
#1 Make sure that your most important friendship, if you are married, is with your spouse. You see your spouse every day and you all dealing with chores that have to be taken care of, but how often do you get a chance to just be silly, and share your wildest dreams and just genuinely have fun with your spouse?
#2 Carve out time to communicate with your friends. Call your friends during the day when your children are at school, or when your child is taking a nap, or when you are at work and get a quick break, or when your children go to bed at night. Use Social Media to stay connected with friends: Connect with them on Facebook, Twitter, or Linked In. You can also send e-mails, text messages – Just stay connected.
#3 Invite your friends who also have children to go on vacation with you and your family. This gives you all an opportunity to spend time with your children and with your friends at the same time. If you are a couple with no children, just connect with another couple for a quick weekend getaway. You all can meet at your destination.
#4 Have your friends get to know your spouse. Some friendships are established in college or when you weren’t married. A lot of your friends are married too and your spouse doesn’t know them to even know if he wants to hang out with them. It is important that you have your friends and your spouse spend some time together to ensure that they get to know each.
#5 Keep your marriage issues private. It is totally appropriate to talk to your friends about your marriage. However, to get into every little detail about things that are going wrong in your marriage is inappropriate. The reason this is so important is because when things start to smooth out for you and your spouse the friend is still having a hard time forgetting what was done.
#6. Share all concerns about single friends with your spouse. It is important to have open communication at all times regarding any friendships that you or your spouse have with single friends. If you are observing something that doesn’t rub you the right way, make sure you communicate your feelings to your spouse. Being honest with one another and to yourself about how something makes you feel is important.
#7. Attend Special Events. Be supportive of your friends when they have special events with their children. Award ceremonies, christenings, sporting events, pageants, cook outs. Your friends will never forget that you took the time to come to something that meant a lot to them. Events are always more special when they are shared with a friend.
#8 How important is this friendship to you? Is this a real friend or just an acquaintance? Is this a person that I would to be there holding my hand at my mom’s funeral or my spouse’s funeral? Recognizing where you are with your friendships is the key to how much time you need to devote to the relationship. Acquaintances are easy, because you don’t have to feel as obligated to spend too much time with them. Heartfelt friendships are different, because you don’t want to lose the friendship. You take creative measures to ensure that you incorporate them into your life.
I believe that true friends understand and respect that as you grow and have a family that now becomes the real priority. However, if they are your true friends you want them to know that they are an important part of your life as well. Always continue to find small ways to encourage your true friends. There are times that you have to make it happen to support your friends – NO EXCUSES! Especially when they lose a loved one. Just by you showing up makes a world of difference to them and it lets them know that no matter how many years may pass by, you are still there when they need you the most.
You can watch my television talk show, Daily Balance with Kim Jacobs, on PBS – WTVI every Saturday at 10:00 AM. If you would like to hear more tips from me, you can see me as the Daily Balance Expert every Wednesday for a segment on Charlotte Today (WCNC – News Channel 36) between 11:00 AM -12:00 PM or you can send me an email at kim@dailybalancewithkim.tv. To learn more about what is going on with Daily Balance with Kim Jacobs visit www.dailybalncewithkim.tv. Thank you for your continued support.
