How to include your Mom into your busy adult life – Daily Balance tip by Kim Jacobs

 

Mothers are unsung heroes that should be celebrated every day.  They have sacrificed so much for us over the course of their lives.  My Mom and Mother-In-Law are my best friends. My mom has been my biggest cheerleader since I was a child.  She has always encouraged me to be my best and taught me that I can be anything I desire to be.   Abraham Lincoln once said “All that I am and all that I hope to be I owe to my mother.”  I love my mom for always pouring out of herself into me.   

My mom and I don’t live in the same state so it takes extra effort for us to ensure that we see each other frequently. Today, I will share some of the ways that I have included my mom into our family to continue to show her that she is a priority to me:

#1  Call Mom Often.  No matter how busy you are, you should still take out a few minutes and call your mom.  It doesn’t have to be for any specific reason. You are just calling to chit chat for a moment.

#2 Take Mom on dates.   Take her to dinner and a movie of her choice.  My mom rarely goes to the movies and when she does, it is when I take her.  Once we go, she is always so excited and truly enjoys the outing.  I also take my mom shopping for an outfit and take her to get pampered at a spa.  She loves it and she is always so appreciative.

# 3 Take Mom on the family vacation.  When we go to Florida for a family vacation, we will rent a house with an extra room for Grandmom. This gives me and my mom a chance to spend quality time together, but it also allows her to spend time with her grandchildren.  It is a win/win situation. Another option is to go on a family on vacation in her town.  If it is a vacation for your family, you can still stay in a hotel and see mom every day.  For example, my mom lives in Newport News, Va.  So what we recently did was go on vacation for spring break to Williamsburg, VA to the Great Wolfe Lodge.  My mom came up to the Lodge every day and we still felt like we were on a getaway trip with our family.

#4 Invite Mom to attend special children events.  My mom will visit on a weekend that she knows that all of my children have a game that she can attend.  The children really excel in the game when they see grandmom in the stands.  Also invite her to any special banquets and award ceremonies.

#5   Have Grown up Discussions with Mom.  If your mom is asking your opinion about something, it is important to answer honestly.  You already know each other so it should be easy to have some real girl talk.  Your Mom is seeking your advice, because she knows that you have her best interest at heart.

#6  Still seek advice from Mom.  As adults, we are totally capable of dealing with issues on our own.  However, moms that believe that they are your friend really want to share their thoughts on issues you face.  Moms appreciate their adult children valuing their opinion enough to care what they think.  I share things with my mom and she always helps me make a more rational decision than I had planned.  I don’t think that adult children should have to ask their mom for advice about EVERYTHING before they make any decision on their own.  When that is the case, the adult child lacks their own confidence to make decisions.

#7 Use technology that Mom is comfortable using.  My mom is not involved with facebook or twitter at all.  She does enjoy communicating via email periodically. Even with the email, I still have to call her and let her know that I sent pictures to her via email.  This is a good way to share pictures I have captured of silly family moments (My daughter covering her body from head to toe in Vaseline).

I really hope that these tips will allow your Mom to feel the same way mine does and that is  a valued and irreplaceable part of your family.  You can watch my television talk show, Daily Balance with Kim Jacobs, on PBS – WTVI every Saturday at 10:00 AM (NEW TIME).    If you would like to hear more tips from me, you can see me as the Daily Balance Expert every Wednesday for a segment on Charlotte Today (WCNC – News Channel 36) between 11:00 AM -12:00 PM or you can send me an email at kim@dailybalancewithkim.tv.  To learn more about what is going on with Daily Balance with Kim Jacobs visit www.dailybalancewithkim.tv. Thank you for your continued support.

How to Balance Caring for an Aging Parent

Your mom and dad have been used to taking care of you – now it’s time for the roles to reverse.   Seeing your parent deal with the challenges associated with aging can be painful. If you are completely in charge of their medical and financial affairs – it can really be overwhelming.   Did they take their medicine at the right time, did they take the right amount, should we bring him/her to live with us, what if they don’t want to live with us. According to a recent GALLUP POLL of baby boomers 41% of baby boomers have a living parent that they are providing care for – either financial or personal or both.   It is estimated that 34 million Americans serve as unpaid caregiver for other adults, usually elderly relatives.  According to AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) the typical unpaid caregiver is a 46 year old woman, who works outside the home, which forces her to cut her hours that she works by about 41%, causing her salary and benefits to fall drastically. My grandmother, who is 88 years old, allows my aunts and dad to help her to a certain extent.  She is a charter graduate of Bethune Cookman College.  Very INDEPENDENT WOMAN, WHO REFUSES TO LET ANYONE MAKE AN INVOLENT OUT OF HER! Below are some helpful tips:

#1 If you have siblings – Consider a monthly rotation system.  Set the room up to look similar in each home to ensure that your parent feels at home in each house.  Sharing the responsibility will lessen the load on one family. (My grandmother has 3 children – 1 son and 2 daughters.  The daughters alternate monthly –they both live in Charlotte and the son, who lives in Palatka, Fl., has my grandmother stay with him during a month in the summer and a month in the winter).

#2 Assess your parent’s situation and what they will need help with.  Do they need help bathing and dressing?  Do they need you to transport them to the store?  Do they need you to help with their financial situation and pay their bills?  You don’t want to overstep your bounds as a caregiver.  You want them to be OK with what you are doing for them. (For example:  My grandmother refuses to let anyone treat her like she can’t do for herself.  She makes it very clear that she is an INDEPENDENT WOMAN.  She can recite poems without even looking at the paper – Her mind is sharper than any younger person I know.)

#3 Obtain Power of Attorney Rights if you will have to make decisions regarding their bills and health care decisions.  

#4 Make sure your parent has something fun to do during the day.  (My grandmother loves going to the senior center program.    They offer lunch and companionship for half a day and provide transportation home.  My aunts check on her once the transportation service brings her home.)

#5 Schedule multiple appointments on the same day. This is very important if you also work during the day and have limited time to take off. (My aunt takes my grandmother to the eye doctor and medical physician on the same day.  She will also take her to get her nails done since they are already out.)

#6 You should have all of their pertinent information on file.  Their insurance cards, their deeds, vital records, and final wishes they may have (special burial plots, organ donation, wills)

#7 Whatever they have a passion to do make that available to them.  (My grandmother loves to crochet and cook.  As a family, we always make sure grandma has yarn and crochet needles.  She makes things for her great grandchildren out of the yarn.  She also enjoys cooking for the family.  My aunts make sure that they make the kitchen safe and user friendly for my grandma to cook meals in the house.)

#8 If you sense that something is slightly wrong physically or mentally with your parent notify your other siblings right away to make them aware of your concern.  If you don’t have siblings, contact the doctor just to be safe.

#9 Make sure that you show proper respect to your parent!  Honor their wishes as much as possible.  Find out from them what they desire to have happen.

#10 Remember to still take good care of yourself.  If you are exhausted and burned out, then you won’t be any good for your parent who really needs you right now.

#11 Make sure they have their gifts for occasions.  (My grandmother will not let  birthdays or holidays go by without getting a gift for someone.  It is very important to her to celebrate others.  My aunts make sure they take her shopping so that she can pick out what she likes for the person.) 

#12 If you are unable to care for your parent personally, interview and carefully select the best in home care agency that will give quality care as if you were there.

As you care for your aging parent, it is important to remember to be compassionate toward them.  Make decisions that you know they would have made if they were able to on their own.  Basically, treat them the way you would want to be treated if you were in the same situation.

You can watch my television talk show, Daily Balance with Kim Jacobs, on PBS – WTVI every Saturday at 10:00 AM (NEW TIME).    If you would like to hear more tips from me, you can see me as the Daily Balance Expert every Wednesday for a segment on Charlotte Today (WCNC – News Channel 36) between 11:00 AM -12:00 PM or you can send me an email at kim@dailybalancewithkim.tv.  To learn more about what is going on with Daily Balance with Kim Jacobs visit www.dailybalncewithkim.tv. Thank you for your continued support.